5 000 Great One Liners

5 000 Great One Liners

My mate told me that I just don’t understand irony. Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. An onion just told me a joke. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Author:

Publisher: Biteback Publishing

ISBN: 9781849544825

Category: Reference

Page: 320

View: 465

My mate told me that I just don’t understand irony. Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. An onion just told me a joke. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. A priest, a rabbi and a blind man walk into a bar and the bartender says, ‘What is this, some kind of joke?’ I got chatting to a lumberjack in a pub. He seemed like a decent feller. I’ll never forget what my granddad said to me just before he kicked the bucket. He said, ‘Grandson, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?’ Whether told in the rugby clubs of Wales or the gentlemen’s clubs of London, their sharpness and simplicity unites us all. Short, sweet and wickedly clever, they hold a special place in the annals of comedy, and as the Twitter age heralds a resurrection of the art form, there seems no better time to celebrate the immortal one-liner. In this riveting read, Times diary columnist Grant Tucker does just that, bringing together 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever told in one definitive volume. Laugh-out-loud funny, 5,000 Great One-Liners has all the quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you’ll ever need - and a whole lot more.
Categories: Reference

More One Liners Jokes and Gags

More One Liners  Jokes and Gags

From twists on the classics to modern greats, from A-grade antics to X-rated gags, from jokes you could tell your mother to jokes about yo momma, there's something short, sweet and wickedly clever for everyone in this definitive volume.

Author: Grant Tucker

Publisher: Biteback Publishing

ISBN: 9781849546720

Category: Humor

Page: 336

View: 607

After making us laugh out loud with 5,000 Great One-Liners, Grant Tucker goes one better with this uproarious sequel! More One-Liners is another hilarious volume of the finest quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks known to humanity. From twists on the classics to modern greats, from A-grade antics to X-rated gags, from jokes you could tell your mother to jokes about yo momma, there's something short, sweet and wickedly clever for everyone in this definitive volume.
Categories: Humor

5 000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One Liners

5 000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One Liners

You’ve got to be ready to leave at any time.” Bringing together some of the funniest, wittiest, and most cutting jokes the world over, Grant Tucker’s volume is the definitive collection of the quips comedians call “one-liners.” ...

Author:

Publisher: Skyhorse

ISBN: 1510734368

Category: Humor

Page: 312

View: 866

“I’ll never forget the words my granddad said before he kicked the bucket. He said ‘Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.’” “The key to any marriage is spontaneity. You’ve got to be ready to leave at any time.” Bringing together some of the funniest, wittiest, and most cutting jokes the world over, Grant Tucker’s volume is the definitive collection of the quips comedians call “one-liners.” Short, sweet, and undeniably clever, one-liners hold a special place in the history of comedy, and the rise of Twitter and social media seems to have ushered in a new era of this comedic art form. With most people expressing themselves in 140 characters or less, there seems no better time to celebrate Grant’s collection and the immortal one-liner. Side-splittingly funny, 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners has all the puns, zingers, and witty remarks you could ever ask for—and many you’d never dream of asking for. “My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.” “A dyslexic man walks into a bra.” “Corduroy pillows: they’re making headlines!” “Promises are a bit like babies: fun to make but hard to deliver.” “Schizophrenia—together I can beat it.” “Drugs are never the answer. Unless the clue is: ‘Narcotics, five letters.’”
Categories: Humor

Stand By Your Manhood

Stand By Your Manhood

... 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever told in one definitive volume. Laugh-out-
loud funny, 5,000 Great One-Liners has all the quips, zingers, puns and
wisecracks you'll ever need – and a whole lot more. WWW.
BITEBACKPUBLISHING.COM.

Author: Peter Lloyd

Publisher: Biteback Publishing

ISBN: 9781849548526

Category: Social Science

Page: 320

View: 930

DAILY MAIL BOOK OF THE WEEK Men must be the worst oppressors in history - we pay the most taxes, get the least support and play longer matches at Wimbledon for no extra money. We're also more likely to be homeless, circumcised, attacked, jailed, drafted, under-educated, short-changed in parenthood and shafted by divorce. Oh, and to top it all, we die sooner. Despite this, feminists still assert we live in a patriarchy and give us a hard time. Fortunately, Peter Lloyd is here to offer a reality check in this long-overdue lad bible. Part polemic, part toolkit for the modern man, Stand By Your Manhood answers all the burning questions facing the brotherhood today, including: Should we fund the first date? Is penis size a political issue? Are we sexist if we enjoy pornography? Why isn't there a men's minister? Politically incorrect, fearless and laugh-out-loud funny, this is the deliciously provocative book that gives blokes their balls back.
Categories: Social Science

5 000 One Liners

5 000 One Liners

And in daily increments, if that is your way! Humour is excellent medicine." Medical practitioner."Read this book and you'll realise (if you don't know already) that life is absurdly amusing and the law is about life.

Author: Ray Prince

Publisher:

ISBN: 1718155395

Category:

Page: 330

View: 120

Following the outstanding success of his first volume titled 4,000 One Liners, the author has delved into his archive and cobbled together a second volume of equally fascinating reflections of life. The new book 5,000 One Liners is a trove of humorous and thoughtful quotes which are sure to brighten the reader's day and bring a smile. It is word-smithing at its best; wit, humour, ideas, philosophy and memorable quotes are skillfully drawn together to surprise and prompt thought. Turn to any page and revel in the word play.This book is an all-rounder, suiting every occasion from an accompaniment to a quiet coffee or glass of wine to being a valuable handbook for speakers - both budding and accomplished. The generic appeal also guarantees its acceptance as a welcome gift. The topics include Business, Money, Time, Education, The Professions, Health and Doctors, Sex and Marriage, Family, Food and Drink, Holidays, Religion and Politics, among others. The author has won the coveted Australian Toastmaster's speaking competition. He also competed in the world finals in the USA. In his career as a management consultant he has been keenly sought after as a conference and dinner speaker. Reviews of first volume, 4,000 One Liners "We recommend that you have 4,000 bits of enjoyment!! And in daily increments, if that is your way! Humour is excellent medicine." Medical practitioner."Read this book and you'll realise (if you don't know already) that life is absurdly amusing and the law is about life. Most entries contain a germ of wisdom, but all of them are funny and clever." Barrister at Law."As a long haul frequent flyer, I often take 4,000 One Liners with me to keep my mojo and sense of humor on the long trips. I enjoyed the book so much I purchased 50 copies for friends and business associates!" Chairman and CEO of a Public Company.
Categories:

Hilarious One Liners

Hilarious One Liners

Author: Gene Perret

Publisher: Sterling Publishing Company Incorporated

ISBN: 0806913525

Category: Games & Activities

Page: 96

View: 211

Gathers brief jokes and humorous quotations about morning, breakfast, work, sleep, dreams, progress, computers, patriotism, lawyers, compliments, hobbies, taxes, success, and failure
Categories: Games & Activities

The New York Times Book Review

The New York Times Book Review

Della Femina wasn't the author of “It's the Real Thing,” but he is so fluid with one-
liners that he's obviously a good ad man. ... If Della Femina wants to make fun of
these fear-ridden wretches, earning their $50,000 a year plus $5,000 expense ...

Author:

Publisher:

ISBN: UOM:39015083027402

Category: Books

Page:

View: 905

Categories: Books

The Comedy Bible

The Comedy Bible

Provides information for aspiring comedians, discussing how to create a routine and hone ideas, working with a comedy buddy, how to develop and polish material, how to get started in the business, and how to get paid.

Author: Judy Carter

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 9780743201254

Category: Humor

Page: 367

View: 290

Provides information for aspiring comedians, discussing how to create a routine and hone ideas, working with a comedy buddy, how to develop and polish material, how to get started in the business, and how to get paid.
Categories: Humor

Broadcasting

Broadcasting

Gates BC-5P. Sacrifice to make room for new xmtr. 5,000/500 watts. Good
condition. WRFC Radio, Box 1152, Athens, ... Wowl 25 pages best one liners
only $3.0011 Shad's House of Humor, 3744 Applegate Ave., Cincinnati, Ohio
45211.

Author:

Publisher:

ISBN: UOM:39015067918303

Category: Broadcasting

Page:

View: 745

Categories: Broadcasting

Video Movie Guide 1991

Video Movie Guide 1991

Author: Mick Martin

Publisher: Ballantine Books

ISBN: 0345369459

Category: Motion pictures

Page: 1515

View: 966

Categories: Motion pictures

Current Biography Yearbook

Current Biography Yearbook

... of Dan Rowan and Dick Martin's Laugh-In, a weekly network television comedy
show composed almost entirely of blackouts and one-liners. ... If he's busy, he'll
get $5,000 for a one- ... Youngman was the guest of “honor" goodnaturedly
ridiculed by show-business colleagues on Medium Roasted Rare, a comedy
special ...

Author:

Publisher:

ISBN: UOM:49015002849694

Category: Biography

Page:

View: 415

Categories: Biography

Ballistics 18th International Symposium

Ballistics 18th International Symposium

... NJ 07806-5000, USA A series of experiments aimed at understanding the
influence of the liner interior surface finish on ... INTRODUCTION Previous
studies have investigated the role of purity of liner materials [1-3], grain size [4,5],
and other ...

Author: William G. Reinecke

Publisher: CRC Press

ISBN: 1566769019

Category: Technology & Engineering

Page: 1412

View: 477

Categories: Technology & Engineering

Harper s Magazine

Harper s Magazine

I was talking to one student the other day about a paper in which he asserted one
thing to be true in the first paragraph and the exact ... ARE GREAT ONE - LINERS
. ... POSTMAN : Here is what I would like : When our young student is watching
Dan Rather say that 5,000 people died in an ... banal occurrence , no big deal .

Author: Lee Foster Hartman

Publisher:

ISBN: UVA:X001773370

Category:

Page:

View: 641

Categories:

DVD and Video Guide 2005

DVD and Video Guide 2005

A treasure trove of trivia and great one-liners, this intelligent spoof features actor
Ronald Colman as Beauregarde ... two cab drivers attempt to track down a friend
who disappeared after they gave him $5,000 to purchase a taxi license.

Author: Mick Martin

Publisher: Ballantine Books

ISBN: 0345449959

Category: Performing Arts

Page: 1620

View: 237

Now in its twentieth edition, a concise guide to the video and DVD market provides in the most recent year's edition more than 400 new entries, a star-based rating system, cast and director indexes, an Academy Award winner list, and more than 18,000 reviews. Simultaneous. 45,000 first printing.
Categories: Performing Arts

Engineering

Engineering

Two or three months after the subjects for discussion in 1874 had been selected
by the committee of the club the great ... sons and daughters of all ages sleeping
in one, or at most, two small rooms, without any chimney or efficient means of
ventilation. ... was at 848, a month open, followed by the same price for cash, and
about 5000 tons ehanged hands altogether. ... twenty-two vessels there were two
of a total of 9550 tons—the Inman liner, City of Berlin, and the Cunard liner,
Scythia.

Author:

Publisher:

ISBN: UOM:39015070214161

Category: Engineering

Page:

View: 931

Categories: Engineering

Alternatives

Alternatives

Heard any good one-liners about the Brundtland Commission Report? What
about an acid rain knee ... To this end, articles should be no more than 5,000
words, typed, double-spaced, and submitted in three copies.Authors should
request a ...

Author:

Publisher:

ISBN: UCSC:32106009896439

Category: Environmental policy

Page:

View: 142

Categories: Environmental policy

Two Nuns In A Bath

Two Nuns In A Bath

Two Nuns in a Bath is the consummate collection, with jokes on every subject under the sun, from lawyers to low-energy light bulbs. Two nuns are sitting in a bath. One says "Where's the soap?"" The other replies "It does rather doesn't it?

Author: Geoff Tibballs

Publisher: Hachette UK

ISBN: 9781849012584

Category: Humor

Page: 160

View: 792

A brand-new, fantastic, enormous collection of 5,000 jokes, gags and one-liners - indexed and categorised to help with finding the right joke for any occasion or audience, from Bar-Mitzvahs to bar-rooms. Two Nuns in a Bath is the consummate collection, with jokes on every subject under the sun, from lawyers to low-energy light bulbs. Two nuns are sitting in a bath. One says "Where's the soap?"" The other replies "It does rather doesn't it?" A guy asks a lawyer what his fee is. "I charge $50 for three questions," the lawyer says. "That's awfully steep, isn't it?" the guy asks. "Yes," the lawyer replies, "Now what's your final question?"
Categories: Humor

The Autocar

The Autocar

LOOSE LINERS no for so “ on Oi with Second - band Tyres is the greatest
economy it is possible to obtain ; our prices are the ... 1 5 6 820 x 120 1 4 9 850 x
120 880 x 120 1 60 920 x 120 1 6 6 895 x 135 1 S6 935 x 135 1 9 9 Postage :
one liner , 5d . , two , 9d . ... HOPE POTTER . ably over 5,000 miles each , and are
still No.

Author:

Publisher:

ISBN: UOM:39015080025375

Category: Automobiles

Page:

View: 641

Categories: Automobiles

Designing with Geosynthetics 6Th Edition

Designing with Geosynthetics   6Th Edition

60 50 40 30 Temperature (c) 20 Temperature (0) 10 0 0 500 4000 1500 2000
2500 3000 3500 0 1000 2000 3000 40 5000 0000 1000 Lapsed Time (days)
Lapsed Tim (a; s (a) Dry cell liner temperature (b) Wet cell liner temperature Bil/1:
9" ...

Author: Robert M. Koerner

Publisher: Xlibris Corporation

ISBN: 9781465345264

Category: Technology & Engineering

Page: 418

View: 979

Following the structure of previous editions, Volume 2 of this Sixth Edition proceeds through four individual chapters on geomembranes, geosynthetic clay liners, geofoam and geocomposites. The two volumes must accompany one another. Volume 1 contains geosynthetics, geotextiles, geogrids and geonets. The two volumes must accompany one another. All are polymeric materials used for myriad applications in geotechnical, geoenvironmental, transportation, hydraulic and private development applications. The technology has become a worldwide enterprise with approximate $5B material sales in the 35-years since first being introduced. In addition to describing and illustrating the various materials; the most important test methods and design examples are included as pertains to specific application areas. This latest edition differs from previous ones in that sustainability is addressed throughout, new material variations are presented, new applications are included and references are updated accordingly. Each chapter includes problems for which a solutions manual is available.
Categories: Technology & Engineering